A Very Special Day
June 3rd, 2012
The last few months have been a wind whirl. As I mentioned in my Race Post that someone very close got diagnosed with Cancer a few weeks after Shay was born. It has shook our family to the core. Honestly it has been too fresh to even write about so I've sort of stayed off the blog. But I want this special occasion posted in our family book so I guess now is as good of a time as any...
Bill is the only dad I've ever known. He I met him nineteen years ago when he married my moms best friend Linda (who we all call Cookie). Since my parents got divorced when I was 6 months old, Cookie has always been a second parent. She stepped in from day one and gave us a place to live when we needed it, christmas presents or school supplies whenever we were struggling and even when we weren't:) She has been an amazing friend to my mom and a irreplaceable figure in my life. Cookie introduced us to Bill when I was almost 7 years old, I remember the day like it was yesterday. We were all in our pj's and he sat each one of us on the couch, told us a secret and gave us a silver dollar! It was a big night because we were basically cookies children so if we didn't respond well he might not of made the cut.... :) Luckily for him and his charm we responded well and they got married.
When I got a tad older, I realized that not all men stay in our life... even the ones that are supposed to. So, I tested Bill for many, many, many years. I have memories I would rather not have of trying to push him away. Somehow, someway he always stayed. He stood right by me all of my teenage years of screaming at him that I didn't need a father. Through everything, he was right there. I eventually learned that he past the test and that he wasn't going anywhere and that he never even needed a test with the kind of man he is. Now that I have grown extremely close to him, I ask him why in the world did he take all of us on? That was a big load in marrying one lady, he got an entire family that just came along for the ride. Even more so, why did he always stay by me when I was such a stinkin snot? :) He has simply responded with "I always knew who you were even when you didn't. I wanted to be there when you found her:)" With his constant support, tough love, encouragement and advice I finally did find her and he said it was worth the wait:) I love him more than I have words for.
I have a Father, we have never been too close. There is a past there as deep as the grand canyon and none of it has brought us together. I am now at the age where I have zero resentment, zero hate. Life gave us a path that wasn't together and as painful as that was at times, I'm okay with that. I blame no one. However it has made me that much more grateful for the ones who fought for me and stood by me through the years that were tough. Bill made the effort and broke down my walls. The one thing I can remember over and over in my childhood is Bill telling me how smart I was. If you knew me growing up you'd probably laugh at that. My grades were horrid. He sat down with me for hours explaining math, assisting me with my science projects and helping me through tests prep. When I would throw my hands up in the air in frustration or get a bad grade after trying, he would tell me that I was smarter than I thought and I was smarter than those around me.. that my brain just worked different and one day I would learn to value that. He was right. I could never seen it then but it's something I wouldn't change now. I am different. I am smart. A million people could have told me that but I began to trust him because of who he was.
He taught me how to love by choice. It is because of him and cookie that I knew I could be the Mother I am today and the way that I am a mom. He taught me blood is important but it isn't everything. Blood has not been thicker than water in my life. He chose to be in my life, he chose to love me, he chose to stay. It was because of how much love was in his choice, that I knew I could adopt. I knew I could chose to be a mom. I trusted that it would work because I saw it work in my own life. I trusted the love from people who chose me to be in there life and because of them I knew it could be unbreakable. Somethings, some people are just meant to be together. He taught me it was okay to chose who is in my life and that it can be just as normal as I wanted it to be, as real as the next guy and as magical as I made it.
He ability to love is one of the many reasons I stopped fighting. Not only has he loved me, he has been an extraordinary grandpa to my kids. He is their hero and has such special moments with them.
An even more special love is the love he has for Cookie. It is one of the only marriages in my life that I have seen that is successful, loving and pure. Their example is more than they'll ever know. When Bill was diagnosed with Cancer their love was not threatened, it was strengthened. Through all of the appointments and tests we now know there time together on earth may be significantly shorter than planned. Their love has gotten deeper and their example of how they are handling this has been extraordinary to watch. We have all learned to live in the moment and love those around you fully every moment your with them.
I was in the room when she got the news. Words cannot describe that moment... I then had a moment with just Bill and I after he learned of the news... Again words cannot describe. I have never felt such despair and hopelessness. Not because I don't believe in god's plan but because it was simply the hardest thing I’ve ever had to sallow. It was sadness news I've ever witnessed, the deepest heart break in someone I loved so visable you almost to touch it and the worst pain I've ever felt in my heart. To see two people who deserve the world learn that their world will no longer be together for the time they planned was too much... wan't fair.
Even though the diagnosis is less the optimistic than we would like, he has been the bravest man I know. They both are continually adjusting to this news and are now 'fighting like hell' as bill's t-shirt says to buy as much time as they can and perhaps beat the odds. We are not closed to any possibilities:) He has now started Chemo and we are so open to miracles!
In the meantime they decided to live in the moment. Their plans to re-new their wedding vows on their 20th anniversary got moved up and we decided to do it shortly after his diagnosis. They gave us the feel they wanted and a theme, then me and my sister chel put our heads together and pulled off what I thought turned out to be amazing ceremony and day for them to remember... The day was almost magical. You could feel such an intense love in the air. They were so in love it hurt. Their vows were so beautiful! The whole day was filled with love, immediate family, making memories, living in the moment, loving those around you and becoming so so so grateful for the person next to you and the relationships we have within our family. I will never, ever forget this day or the feeling of that day! I know they won't either!
