Our California Vacation
(this might be the longest entry ever...but this was our longest vacation ever so it's only fitting:)
Some dear friends of ours offered us a chance to get a-way as a family and to spend a week at one of their timeshares. We could look at all of our options and choose wherever we wanted to go for a week. We needed to be able to drive there since flying would cost too much with our kids and we wanted the drive not to kill us so we choose Palm Springs CA. I had never been there and the resort there looked amazing for kids! So we booked it, saved up and looked forward to it all summer! July 27th we took off and stayed at my moms to break up the drive a little bit. Then on the 28th (Sunday) we set out for Cali. What was supposed to be a 6 1/2 hr drive into into 8-9 hr drive. Right after downtown Vegas we hit a solid WALL of traffic. Like 2 mph NO JOKE! Anyone that knows me knows I despise the car. So being in it longer than I had mentally prepared for throws me for a loop! Basically after 45 mins of not moving and not seeing an end in sight. I flipped! Seriously the drive that I already dreaded was getting longer by the minute and I was ready to turn back! Dramatic but those were my thoughts! Apparently it's just known that you don't go through Vegas to Cali on a Sunday. I guess a lot of California residents come to Vegas for the weekend since it's so close.... so on Sunday they all head home creating the lovely wall of non moving traffic. I made the dumb decision to get off the freeway mid traffic stop having to pee and that couldn't have been more of a mistake. So Loooooooong story/drive short we finally made it!
The resort was awesome Our place had two rooms and 2 full bathrooms! It was cozy and clean! Mason was so distraught that we weren't going swimming at 8:30 pm on Sunday when we finally arrived that he woke up the next morning at 6:30 am with his swimsuit all ready to go! haha! We swam every single day (I don't know that I've ever been swimming that much in my life), it was HOT and so swimming was the best way and only way to really be outside during the day. Beside the pool was great for the kids. They had a kiddie one with slides than another adult pool. Unfortunately I got sick Tuesday to Thursday so they stunk but it finally went away and we were able to catch the Villagefest down town on Thursday which was awesome. Music, food, a farmers market, street performers and best of all kettle corn:)
We took another evening and went out to eat and walked around palm springs and quickly realized we were melting so we went back home and did a night swim with the kids:)
Seth was amazing and took the kids for a few hours on Friday and let me go shopping and I was also able to grab a bite to eat at my favorite place that they don't have here in Utah, Panera Bread Cafe. It was as delicious as I remember:) I looked like a loner but honestly it was such a relaxing day, I enjoyed every minute!
I was a little worried about being away from home for that long with kids so little. Being out of their environment and routine for that long but honestly for the most part they did great! They slept good, played good and eat really well. It was so good for our family! We escaped for ten days away for to do lists and responsibilities and just spent time together. Seth and I would have quite nights I got to read a new book and it got to play his ipad games he never has time for:) We also didn't have our DVR so we had to watch what was on and that of course of re-run and after re-run of Big Bang Theory. We fell in love. I don't know how we've been missing out all these years! ;) We just slowed down and really had family time! It was the best part of our whole summer.
So from Sunday to Sunday we were at the resort in Palm Springs and since we were already out in Southern California we made arrangements to Drive to the coast when we checked out and spend a few days with Mason's birthmoms family. They live near Newport Beach. We lived just an hour north when we lived here four years ago. It's where we started our family. We hadn't been back there since we adopted Mason almost five years ago. Minnie and her husband Andrew flew in from Nevada and we met up with them at her parents home Sunday Afternoon.
The reason for my blog is to record our life for my family. It's where I'm honest. It's my journal. So here is my honesty. Mason's adoption has had some emotional bumps. It's the longest story so let me try to paraphrase it. Melissa (Minnie) was our first birthmom. We went through 6 1/2 months of pregnancy with her. We truly connected and fell in love with her and her family. There was ups and downs as there would be emotionally with that big of a situation taking place. But we truly connected. The day Mason was born his birthfather pasted away. With that came A LOT of emotion from every side and a lot of opinions on how we should proceed. It overwhelmed Seth and I. We were first time parents, experiencing adoption for the first time and along come a whole load of stuff to sort out and do correctly and fairly that we didn't see coming. The birth families were at odds and we were stuck in the middle with a beautiful little boy. We prayed our hearts out and sought advice from our caseworkers. We proceeded to do what we thought was fair and what we also felt was right. Minnie was hurt by our decisions and it created immediate distance between us. Which rippled into years of misunderstanding, hurt feelings and her lashing out at us. It has been a HARD 4 1/2 yrs. We were NOT perfect. It was our first time. We truly did the best we could with the situation we were given. However that's not to say we handled it flawlessly. I don't think their was a way we could have done it without hurting anyone but still it was hard to make decisions for our family knowing people we love who gave us our son would be hurting, even if we knew it's what was right. Both sides loved Mason, they just had different stories, which causes a ripple in his adoption. We as his parents had the responsibility to lessen the affect of the ripple on him and his life. So that included, including everyone who loved him. That hurt some people. Now that we are further down the road I see Minnie heart and her intent and the fear that overcome it causing her to panic. I see my heart being pushed into a corner and feeling like I needed to make a stand. Ugh! Last year after Shay's sealing we had a good long talk that was a long time coming. I told her what I needed from her to make this adoption work and to stay open. She shared her feelings, her hurt, her fears and frustrations and apologized for her behavior. My heart melted. I shared my feelings, my hurt and my intentions, accepted her apology and gave one of my own. It's funny, we really are like family. There is not someone I love more than her in the way that I do. She made me a mom. She started this journey for us. She is half of my beautiful Mason. All while going through the hard times I still loved her deeply. We had a connected formed from the moment I met her that was unforgettable. Through prayer on both ends and much understanding. We found our way back to building our relationship. We had been hurt and so had she. It was a long process, long discussions and slowly building back what we had in common which is Mason. It all led to this trip. Almost 5 years later, with the people and family that started it all in the place where he was born.
We were so. very. nervous.
Now having done it
the one word I would use for our visit would be
Therapeutic
It was so needed.
I have never been more glad they we did something.
We arrived on Sunday afternoon with Diane (Minnies mom) opening the door. The hugs began! Slowly her sisters and their families who lived in southern Cali started to pile in. The kids started to all play and instantly got along fabulously. The Hobbins had never been able to celebrate a birthday with Mason (with the exception of Melissa coming to Mason's first birthday party) so they decided to throw Mason and Noah (his 'cousin' whose just a few weeks older than him) an almost 5 birthday party. They had a cake gifts for all the kids and a pinata. They had so much fun and Mason felt so special. It felt so good to be with them. It many ways it felt like home. Her sisters were more open than ever before and we also were able to start building a connection with them and their sweet kids. We had a great dinner, took a walk to the park where Seth and I just sat back and which Minnie interact with Mason. It was natural. It was so sweet. I could see tears in her eyes through that day and when I gave her a hug and asked if she was okay she smiled and said "these are happy tears. Its just so wonderful to see him, mason and all of your kids are just beautiful, their a family." It has been since before Mason was born that we had time together like this. Is the recent years there with hour visits here and there but nothing as raw and open like this. My love for her came back ten fold as we spent time with her. She truly is one of the closest people to my heart. It's hard to explain with all the commotion that has happened but it makes sense in my heart.
The boys could not wait to see the ocean so some of us took off after dinner to go by the beach. Oh man, it hit me like a ton of bricks breathing in that ocean air... it made me miss living there for the first time in years. I missed that smell, that view, that feeling. Mason got nervous once a wave was bigger than her thought, Shay was curious but hesitant and shockingly Aiden LOVED it. We could pull him away!
It was a refreshing evening. Bonds were being made with the kids and with the family we love so dearly.
The next day we had a cousins camp and Diane took all of us to the Trampoline park and they kids had a blast... so did the adults:) We went swimming afterward at their pool then ended the evening with a BBQ and yummy cookies.
Our Goodbyes were so much harder than I expected. So much healing had taken place. The love that was founded between us and this amazing experience that started so long ago resurfaced and that made the goodbye hard.
This time was so needed. The kids played together so well. The Hobbin's included Aiden and Shay perfectly. I think Nurture definitely plays a large part in a child's life but not until this trip did I see how much Nature is there in my child. The biological gene was unmistakable physically as well as personality, characteristically and behaviorally. It blew mine and Seth's minds. It was almost fascinating to watch. I've never met a kid more like Mason than Noah. They bonded instantly. It was so neat to experience and witness how comfortable he was with them. In fact all of my children were. They were so good to us. They are amazing family. And to say we've missed them is an understatement. We are so blessed by adoption. This is not the first time its humbled us. We are taught everyday through our relationship within our adoptions to forgive, be forgiven, understand a little more, overcome our pride, love more deeply and realized whats important. All things I think the Saviors wants us to learn.
Adoption has been our path to learn many of these things.
