The RACE {Ogden 1/2 Marathon}

To say last Saturday was a dream of mine is an understatement. I have always wanted to run a race. Two things have seemed to get in my way #1 I am not a runner #2 I am afraid to fail, which almost always prevents me from even trying.

Something clicked in me last year, there was a little extra weight on my body that I didn’t love, so I decided to do something about it. I found myself sticking with it at the gym. Which surprised me, before it seemed to have always faded when it wasnt fun anymore. But this time was different. Then the conversation of a half marathon came up… I laughed and thought, well I’ve always wanted to but I was really thinking more of a 5k, which I would have been extremely proud of… remember I’m not a runner. Then I found myself committing to it. I wanted to think if I really put my mind to it, it could happen. The fear of failing came in and I thought, I can at least try.
I found a new me in the gym. I realized in so many area’s in my life I’m doing things I never thought I could or had fears of… so I thought if I could conquer those and not even realize it maybe I am growing up:) Maybe I won’t always just have to dream of doing something! So I did two things about my first two things #1 I BECAME a runner #2 I never quit. The fear of failing was there but I literally ran through it.


The training was hard. We already had two kids and Seth was going to night school as well as teaching during the day. Then a month and a half to the race we got Shay. A newborns schedule did NOT making training any easier. There were days I would wonder what in the world we were doing. Seth had three major set backs with injuries and even a surgery during training. But we kept encouraging each other and pressed on. Then there were days were I felt invincible, I could feel my months of eating right and training paid off. It gave me so much confidence and pride.

So many people were like “I just don’t get why? Running isn’t fun!” Honestly sometimes its not. It’s NEVER been my thing. I am not built like a runner and I had to work very hard to even get a foundation of 3 miles under my belt… but I wanted to prove to myself I could accomplish a goal. I wanted to push myself in an area that was completely foreign and that challenged me. I wanted to do something for me. I don’t know that I’ve ever worked so hard for something with the exception of my children!

Then came race week. We got some devastating news about an immediate family member. Cancer. My world fell to the floor in that room. The heart break of my own was enough, but seeing this loved ones wife who I could not be closer too, crumble right before me killed something inside of me. I have never felt so hopeless.

The race started to seem soooo unimportant. I couldn’t even think of what was normal or what was supposed to be happening. My days were now filled with hospital visit instead of my feet hitting the pavement. What was so very important for months just became non existent in my mind…

….Then I was asked to run the race for him. I cried. I couldn’t think of a better reason. After all he was the one who said he would come pick me up and carry me across the finish line when I shared my fears earlier about not being able to finish.

So Saturday I woke up with my sweet husband about ready to set out on something I wasn’t sure I could do. I had my sister in law who was my running buddy next to me telling me I could the whole drive up.

The gun went off and I seriously thought “okay here goes nothing.’ 13 miles gave me a lot of time to think. When my body hurt I thought of how much I had trained for this. When my mind hurt I thought about crossing the finish line and accomplishing something I put my mind to. When my heart hurt I thought of him, I’d look down at my arm so I had written my reminder and it truly helped me pressed on.

On the way up to the race we ran into one of my oldest friends, Joni. I now know that was fate. Her and Lael were the PERFECT people to run that race with. They were amazingly supportive and literally kept me going.

My mom and sister came to cheer us on around mile 9. My knees almost buckled when I saw them. The lump forming in my throat from emotions didn’t help my already tried lungs. I had to snap back into focus to finish the race. Their faces gave me so much motivation right at the right time.

Miles 1-3 are always my hard for me. I have to convince myself I’m in shape and that I’ve trained for this. Miles 4-9 I found my zone, my training kicked in and my buddies helped pace me. Miles 9-11 got hard. Doubt crept in. My knee began to ache and I found myself having to talk my way through it. Miles 11-13 may have been the hardest thing I’ve ever done. I had not stopped since the race started, my goal of running the whole thing was almost a possible.. The mental motivation just wasn’t working anymore, the ache in my heart had become serve pain with every lift off of my left leg. I finally said out loud to Lael “DON’T LET ME STOP” That’s where my purpose for running kicked in. My legs were done and my mind was done so basically my heart finished crossed the finish line.

I did it. I didn’t stop. I beat the time I wanted. And I did one of the only things I felt like I could do at the moment and that was fun for him. It was an emotional finish. I’ll never forget the feeling of crossing the finish line.

Seth did amazing as well. It beat his time, ran with great energy and was able to press through the last two killer miles.

It was an experience I’ll never forget. We had support at the end from both families and all three of our kids. I think we might even do it again:)

(first 3 borrowed from Joni's blog... She had her phone with her so we got a pre-race shot, and two more from during the race:)

 



Aiden Birthday Party

Whoa… I’m a little behind at blogging at the moment. Sometimes it’s so hard to catch up but then I have to remember this is my family book that is printed out at the year of the year so I have to keep it updated..So here I go.

There was so much going on around Aidens birthday that we decided to do something a little smaller than the usual birthday party this year. We met up with some family and good friends and celebrated at the park! Which is Aiden most favorite place so it worked out well! It was a little windy but the kids just carried on and had a blast.
 
The funniest part is when Aiden left his FULL dinner plate and snatched up cupcake without any looking… we didn’t catch him until he was halfway through it! Haha. Oh well whats a birthday party if you can’t have dessert before dinner
 
Love you Aiden!

Adoption Walk {2012}

The Saturday before Mother’s Day is actually Birth Mother’s Day so every year through FSA we are apart of putting on an Adoption Celebration and Birth Mother’s walk on that day. We do a walk around the track, we let balloons go in Honor of children’s birth moms, the fire department comes, we do field game, a candy lunch and Cosmo from BYU comes to hang out with the kids! Its really fun and the kids have a blast. Some of our family always come to support us, and this year we actually had one of our birth moms make itJ (since the other two live out of state, it’s never really worked out) We love having such good friends through FSA and this day is just another excuse for us to hang out!

 

{little ones announcement}

Lil' Cj Meets Big Cj :)

There are very few people in this world that mean as much to me as my mom. I can't even type this without the lump forming in my throat. She is one of a kind. To say we have been through A LOT together doesn't even cover half of the roads, bumps or experiences we've had. All while the unconditional love was just that, unconditional. It didn't matter if I should have used it all up by then, she still had more to give. She has believed in me in the moments where I didn't know how anyone could. She has laughed with me over some of the dumbest things in the world. She has been my biggest fan when I needed it, my softest shoulder when times called for it, my mom when I needed tough love and my best friend when life threw me a blessing or a curve ball. She's just always been there. She has not always told me what I wanted to hear but she has always told me whats best for me. She let me learn even when it meant I might fall. I cannot thank her enough for that. She has always seen the me I want to be and loved me through the path of getting there. I love this lady. We have the funniest moments together. The memories I have with her are still some of my most favorites in my life. She is 60 and can still out bike, out hike or out do me in any card game:) I wouldn't trade this women for anything.

....... that is why if I ever had a mini me I thought her name should reflect my mom. As I have mentioned I never really planned on a daughter, so it wasn't a huge thing in my life, I just thought if I ever did, I can't imagine naming her after anyone else. 

Well Shay came and she already felt like a little CJ.  I hope in naming her after my mom, she will get even a small piece of the person my mother is. Names mean a lot to me. The middle name for us is important to mean something, to be after someone special. We always go with our gut and for Shay that meant my Mama!

Shay Cj McVea

I also pray that I can be the kind of Mom to Shay that my mom was to me. I hope to be that rock in her life that is unmovable and as strong as she needs me to be in any given moment! I can only hope to have that bond with my daughter that my mom has created in my life.

I already see Cj in Shay, she's quite stubborn already at 4 weeks... Thanks ma:) 

 We have always had such strong women in our family. Shay has a neat line to follow.

{our four generation photo}



Seth's Graduation

I’m SO very proud of Seth. Last weekend he graduated with his Masters from Utah State University.

He did it in two years, and during that time he had career, a family and we went through the adoption process TWICE… all the while he still managed to get a 4.0.

I’m so stinkin proud of him. He has such incredible work ethic and dedication. He doesn’t hurt that he is very smart and loves to learn! I know I couldn’t have done it with the load that he had to carry in addition to getting his education.

It was a neat day, his parent joined us and so did little Shay! (the boys went to play at their cousins, I thought that would be more fun for them then a 3 hr ceremony)

Happy Birthday to AiDeN

Today is one of the my little men’s birthdays! I can't believe Aiden is TWO YEARS OLD TODAY! I can't even remember what life was like before him. For the first year of his life is was the most chill, laid back and lovable kid ever! Going into his second year he is stubborn, sneaky and one of the most hilarious kids ever! I will take him in whatever phase he is in because at the end of the day he still loves to be held and his heart is still made of gold.

Aiden can be a fabulous eater or very picky... totally depending on what mood he's in. He loves cereal, fruit bars and oatmeal... but I would have to say waffles are his favorite:) He loves to be outside, loves water and is pretty good with other kids. He has found that his older brother is the coolest thing in the world but has also found that he is now catching up with him in size and isn't afraid to wrestle right back;) He loves "Cars" the movie, actual play cars and even cars on the road. When we're driving he'll strain his neck to see out the windshield when a car is coming and he'll scream "A CAR IS COMING! AHHH!" He is so funny! He also loves to play pretend 'whatever' with Mason. Their choice is usually some sort of tiger or lion. Aiden will get into character, crawl, roar and the whole bit! Again so funny! He is really good with Shay, not over obsessed or interested but so sweet. He knows how to be naughty especially at bed time, he also knows how to melt your heart with his "I sorr-wee mama"

Aiden has brightened our lives. Darcie, his amazing birth mom, came down Sunday to celebrate his birthday with him a few days early.  Even now, two years later, I can't put in to words how grateful I am for him... and even for her. No matter how hard it is, she has always put Aiden and his needs before her own, first in placing him, then in continually respecting our decisions in his life. She has been incredible! She has proved to be a constant and positive thing in his life and we love her dearly!!!

Aiden,

You are one of a kind and our lives would not be the same without you.  Not only because of the joy you bring but because of the ways you help us grow as a family and me as a mother. You have helped me learn patience in ways I never knew I could reach.  You have helped me laugh in moments where I wanted to cry, you have given me opportunities to serve and to love that has changed who I am. I absolutely and undoubtedly love being your Mom. I am so, so, happy we found each other, again. I love you more than you'll ever know!

XOXO, Mom