YAY! We did it again!

So yesterday we got the call that we were 'APPROVED' through our agency. Which just basically means the last couple of months when we worked our tootsies off, it was worth it :) The paperwork, interviews, 20 page on online forms, hard copy of profiles, home study, everything: DONE! The committee approving us yesterday just means that we've completed the process and are now certified to adopt. Our profile is now live and we are ready to be picked when it is our time. Wow! I remember getting to this point 2 1/2 yrs ago and it was an incredible feeling and it feels similar this time! It's amazing, adoption is incredible and although I wouldn't have it any other way.. I'm not going to lie; it's still hard at times. I think more than anything it just wears me out, being interviewed and having the most personal things dug up and analyzed to see if your fit to be a mom is... hard. It's personal and a little frustrating at times. However I am glad they do their job to make sure it's a good home for the child. Overwhelming and all...I would and will do it again and again until my family is complete because as hard as it is, it truly is worth it! It's worth every hour spent on paperwork and every nerve during an interview because after all is said and done we get to see magic happen.. The Lord's Hand. Our child finds us! The one we knew and loved in heaven and left saying we'll see you down there, finds US in world full of people.. You can't tell me there's not a God. Things like this just wouldn't be possible.

This is where you come in~ Now please know for some reason this is terribly embarrassing for me. I'm not sure why? I'm very open about adoption however it's when I have to ask for help where it becomes personal for me and it's really hard. I hate feeling vulnerable or exposed in that way. Weird. I know. Thats why I about died when we went through this the first time and the agency gave a class on "finding" your baby. The whole thing was on getting the word out there as much as you can, spreading the word through emails, pass along cards, etc... They explained how the more you do the more the Lord can see your faith in his plan and how much your working for it. For some reason the whole 'finding' thing terrified me! I thought "oh no thank you, I’d just like to wait and be chosen so I don't feel anymore humiliated than I do now" Then near the end of the class they said stand up if your here because you KNOW there is a child that is meant for you. We stood up. "Now sit down if there is one thing that you wouldn't do for them?" We stayed standing. "Then why won't you help find them" Sheez! So we decided to spread the word for Mason and although Melissa found us through the agency we know the Lord felt our efforts and blessed us with her.

So here I am again. My shameless plug. We know there is another child out there for us. Although you may feel similar to me and think this sounds like a campaign... it's not, it's for my family. We cannot grow in number unless we are blessed by someone else, so our goal is to make it as easy as possible for that someone else to find us... So we've made a button, it's on the right side of our blog, called HOPING TO ADOPT: SETH, LACEY JAY & MASON. It has an html box below it. All you need to do it copy the html and put it on your side bar (under the html gadget) and it will appear on your side bar, it will link you right to our ADOPTION BLOG. So PLEASE take a button if you feel like you would like to be apart of our journey! I thank you in advance for taking the time to do so.

{The next part is LONG so please feel free to skip it:}
Everyone knows we've adopted but very few know why, how, when, etc?  In the spirit of you guys helping us I'd like to share with you why you’re helping us. Seth and I have been married almost 6 yrs. Four months after we were married, I was 19 and sitting in sacrament meeting in our new family ward. It was the primary program and for some reason this little boy captivated me. I have never been baby hungry. Ever. Up to that point. I didn't dream about having millions of kids right when I was married, I never even imagined I'd ever marry that young until the day I met Seth. So there I was married and in a family ward... this little boy was beautiful and singing his heart out. I got emotional and the feeling of 'your meant to be a mom' swept over me. I talked to Seth when we got home and told him my feeling. Although earlier than we both imagine we began to try and make that happen. A few months went by and I got really, really sick with bronchitis, we didn't have insurance but the doctor at Weber State (where Seth was attending school) offered to see me anyway. He asked if there was a chance I was pregnant before giving me any meds, I told him I didn't think so but that we had just started trying a few months ago and that I wasn't on birth control so he said he'd give me a urine test before just to make sure. I was alone in the room when he walked in smiling. "Well Lacey, it's positively pink" Me: "UM, what?!" Doc: "You're Pregnant" he explained I couldn't take the meds needed and gave me other instructions and to go home and rest. I walked out of there SHOCKED! I now wish I never took that moment for granted. Because little did I know it wouldn't happen again. I called Seth and told him the news he shared in my SHOCK! We adjusted and became very excited that what we thought was destiny! A little while latter I cramped, bled and got the worst feeling in the world. I lost the baby. As devastating as that was we never imagined what would enfold the next 4 1/2 yrs. After the miscarriage we tried for 2 yrs on our own to get pregnant again, it just wasn't happening. We now lived in Cali and went to see a doctor, then another doctor, than another one that would finally help us. He to this day is my Hero. He was my OB and our Stake President. Weird? Not really. I got both in one. Who else gets to be distracted in that 'moment' by talking about the recent conference. ha ha. No really, he was amazing and found us the answer's we needed. We worked with him for two yrs which consisted of: tests, injections, ultrasounds, pills, more tests, procedures and then a day after my 21st birthday I went in for surgery. My mom and Seth were there as I got the news. No fun. Heartbreaking. We gave it one last try after the surgery since he said if it would happen, our best chance was four months after the surgery. So we loaded up on the drugs and injections again and halfway through the four months, I said.. I'm done. I knew in my heart the day after surgery this wasn't meant to be. I thought I owed it to my Doctor, Seth and myself to try once again but I was done. After two years of my body being over taken with shots and drugs I was done. I had spent almost four years by then crying at the end of every month when it was clear it didn't work again. Feeling sick everyday for two yrs from dumb drugs, not being able to sit through my sweet sisters’ baby shower without my heartbreaking into a million and one pieces, wanting to kick every pregnant person in the chin that complained about their tailbone hurting. I was simply done. I prayed. I knew the role as a woman on earth wasn't working for me in the way you always think it would. I made the decision to move on. Letting go of that chapter in my life as painful as it was, was truly one of the hardest things I've ever done. I didn't want to give up, however the Lord was very tender and held my hand and let me know I wasn't 'giving up.' I did all my body could do and the answer from the surgery was what I needed to hear to know, it just might not happen. Tears, does not explain it. Heartbreak, does not explain it. I took a week to morn my four years and then I turned to prayer for what the next phrase of our life would bring. My heart was turned to something I already had a love for and knew would happen in my life, something I talked to Seth about before marriage to see if he was okay with. Adoption. Most people don't ever think about adoption until that's the option their left with.  However I consider myself extremely blessed to have been touched by that long before I knew it would be the miracle in my life. My best friend Joni Morris growing up had the most adorable little brother Jordan who was adopted. I remember the day her family brought him home, instant love for all of them. I remember growing up with her family and feeling like Jordan was a natural thing and that I wanted that feeling he brought into their home. He completed them. In later years I got more spiritual feelings that I would indeed be a mother to someone who I didn't give birth too. I looked forward to it. I always assumed it would be in addition to my biological children. When the time came years later that I finally realized all of those experiences growing up was preparing me for now... for my trial in life. I was: Grateful. Adoption wasn't my last option, it wasn't even my second option. It was my choice I had made yrs before. Adjusting to that it was going to be without the biological children was the hard part the adoption part was honestly incredible.  The journey of adoption healed my heart in a way I never knew it could. This is the Lord's plan for us. I see his hand in the all the details. I still morn the loss of not being able to carry my own child however if it meant that or Mason. I choose Mason. We've been blessed with extraordinary experiences in the temple, we felt Mason long before he came to our family. We knew he was a boy and knew his name was Mason. When I met him for the first time I had a feeling of familiarity sweep over me. I knew him. I can't wait to meet my next child that I knew before. I feel like one is missing and it's time they came home. Thank you for listening. I very rarely share this side of our personal life, especially so publically however I feel like I'm asking you to be apart of our journey and it might help if you knew our heart. Thank you for helping. Please take a button and put it on your blog. I would love to see them on all of your blogs. That way our next angel mom has a better chance of finding us.


Thank You Friends and Family