Hello, Oregon

(It's already May, I'm sooo behind in keeping up with this blog. Bare with me as I start from Day one in Oregon) 

We arrived in Oregon December 31st, 2014. It was almost poetic to end our time in Utah on New Year's Eve and wake up to Oregon on New Year's Day. 

When we finally got off the Exit, my excitement dropped and I felt anxiety literally take over! My mom said she physically saw my disposition change in a matter of a few minutes. It was weird, I was excited, the drive was beautiful, I wasn't in denial, I knew what was happening but when I got off the exit it started to hit me like a brick wall. NOTHING looked familiar. It was all so new and then we got closer and closer to the address of our new home and I literally felt it over take me. We pulled into the street and I felt hot tears sting my eyes. We pulled into the driveway and I just looked out our new home, it was cute, just what it looked like in pictures... but seeing it in real life set in some serious panic. I got out looked at our new street and felt my stomach tighten, this wasn't home, this wasn't my street. Seth instantly saw the look on my face and said "what's wrong?" ... We unlocked the front door and walked in... it was SOOO much smaller than the pictures made it look. My stomach, heart, mind dropped. I walked around and found myself in the Master bath and panic was erupting in my chest, it was creeping out. I just looked in the mirror and thought "What in the world have we done? Everything is packed up. We sold our home. There's no going back?" 

It was a rough night to say the least. The first week actually was intense. I knew what it was like to move out of state, I knew it would be new, I knew it would be different. There wasn't anything I didn't expect except what blew me away was my emotions. I didn't expect to feel the way I was feeling. I felt so lost. It was a long, hard year. I think topping it off with a giant change completely threw me out my ability to feel safe.

It was an emotional transition. We got through that first week and even through those scary feelings I started to see Oregon's beauty and knew it was only a matter of time til I fell in love! 

The kids took it really good for the most part. They were excited about everything being new, well except for Aiden. He struggled. I didn't necessarily expect that from him, Mason is usually the more emotional one. I should have known though, Aiden struggles with change and that he did. He would cry for his old room in his old house, his cousins, his friends, it was sooo sad. I would just cry with him sometimes.

At that some time there was good in the transition. The beauty was breathtaking. The ward was so welcoming and Seth fell in love with his new job.

I knew we just had to give it time.

We had to have faith in the peace we felt in making the decision to move here

but also honor that it was rougher going through it then we thought :)